Six months in, I was an OK machine operator. My job changeovers were fast, but not that fast. My quality was good, but not that good. I was mediocre at best at repairing equipment. Think of me as a guy who could drive the car but didn’t really understand how it worked. I was surprised when my supervisor had me train on another piece of equipment to cover for an operator who would be away for three months. He understood I was surprised - looking back, he possessed an extremely high degree of emotional intelligence. I did an OK job there, too. Not great, but I got by.
I was even more surprised when he then told me I would be our shift’s relief operator. Other operators seemed much more qualified. More experienced. More skilled on their particular machines. Better at making repairs. Some had even earned machinist certifications. They had spent years learning to the ins-and-outs of one piece of equipment.
I needed to learn to run 10 or 12 of them, in an unforgiving, numbers-focused production environment.
Imposter syndrome? Absolutely, until I recognised the true nature of my role. My job was to fit in, to keep a line rolling, to make the other operators on a crew think, “Oh, good. Bob is out, but Jeff is here.”
My ability to learn and retain a fair bit of information, to seamlessly fit into different team’s work styles and cultures - and to bring a positive attitude and even a little fun to the mix - was what psychologists call an island of competence: areas where a person demonstrates strengths, skills, or talents, even if they struggle in other domains.
My supervisor spotted my island before I did.
Instead of focusing on my weaknesses - in particular, my glaring lack of mechanical aptitude - he took an emotionally intelligent approach: He nurtured, and later celebrated, my gifts.
Praise a strength... The principle holds for kids as well as adults.
A study published in
Psychology found that strength-based parenting (focusing on what kids do well, rather than on what they might struggle with) correlates with lower stress and increased feelings of belonging. On the flip side, a study published in
Frontiers in Psychology found that excessive focus on correcting a child’s shortcomings can lead to greater anxiety and lower self-worth.
In part that’s because confidence is situational rather than absolute. You may feel comfortable speaking to your team, yet petrified in front of investors. You may love following up on leads, yet hate making cold calls.
But here’s the thing: Confidence in one area tends to spill over. Success in one pursuit can yield greater confidence in other areas of life, especially when other people recognise and praise that success. It’s hard to remember your strengths when other people constantly point out your shortcomings.
When you feel good about yourself in one way - when you achieve some degree of success in one aspect of your life - you tend to feel better about other parts of your life as well. After all, if you can do one thing well, you can probably do lots of things well. And feel better about not being able to do certain things well.
… to improve a weakness
When you come up short in one area, it’s a lot easier to shrug and smile if you excel in another.
That’s what happened to me. When something broke that I didn’t know how to repair, I admitted I was over my head and asked for help. (And then watched carefully so I could maybe learn to fix it next time.) I didn’t mind admitting a weakness because I felt really, really good about my strengths.
Having that feeling in my mental pocket made a world of difference.
Try it. When you spot an island of competence - which is easy, because everyone has at least one - recognise it. Praise it.
But don’t focus just on the skill. Focus on what that skill says about the person. A child who draws well isn’t just good with a pen. He’s an artist. A child who can build complicated Lego sets isn’t just good at following directions. She’s an engineer.
Where confidence and self-assurance are concerned, embracing an identity - being helped to embrace an identity - is extremely powerful. And makes it much more likely the person will lean further into that identity.
The same approach works for adults. An employee who steps in to solve an interpersonal problem doesn’t just have people skills; she’s a leader.
Recognise the island of competence, praise the behaviour, and praise the identity that underpins the behaviour. Everyone enjoys doing things they do well. Praise a skill or attribute, and people tend to seek to build on that skill or attribute. Help people develop a sense of identity around one aspect of their life, and they tend to lean into that identity.
The next time your child is struggling in one area, take the time to talk about what they do do well - and how some of those skills are applicable to that situation. (Effort, determination, and persistence are universal.)
The next time an employee is underperforming in one aspect of their job, take a step back and consider what they do well, and praise that.
Identifying an island or two of competence could provide the confidence they need to work through an island where their competence is lacking.